Small things that bring me joy in these trying times

Guess what - the answer isn't nothing lol

Lockdown fatigue, it’s new and it’s here for everyone!

You think that you had before, but oh no, that wasn’t what this is! That was just lockdown boredom, but this like a full-time job, sucking all your joie de vive! I do not need to tell you about it, you’re living it, but there is this sinking feeling that it could be endless… It won’t be, but it feels like it could be.

Like, don’t worry about me, but I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER, a label I once tried to rip away from my detractors’ lips, but now it is something to embrace. Yes, just like Rachel Berry, I NEED APPLAUSE TO LIVE! No, not like literal clapping, but just like someone to REACT to my jokes, not even laugh, just like an eye roll or ANYTHING. God I have so many thoughts that no one hears and I just want to let it all out. This is not reasonable but no one can hear any of them and it freaks me out

Sometimes, being the main character on Twitter seems like an appealing way to live. This is a lie, but this life of anonymity is doing my nut in. I need to be out there, butting into other people’s conversations.

Just absolutely think of the poor fuckers in group chats with me. They need a break! No, they are actually incredibly blessed to be associated with my wildcat musings.

LET ME BACK INTO THE WORLD. Give me gossip, give me idiot men in the smoking section, give me SOMETHING!!!!!!

Before you get your knickers in a twist, I am not a covidiot, and yes, I watch the news and see the destruction of this virus. The 100,000 death toll is a travesty, and I am lucky enough to be sheltered from it. I like to think I’m keeping my suffering in perspective, but suffering it is.

Intellectually, I’m fine with being locked up, but at its core, it’s horrible. The days bleed into one, and there are so many batches of bread a gal can bake before she’s like LET ME OUT! A noticeable side effect it is eroding my ability to take comfort in things that usually give me comfort, which really takes to my point… None of the things that soothe me is soothing me? Like they are great to while away the hours, like I still LOVE them but basically, I cannot face sitting on my bum and watching telly all day.

To get some sort of solace, I need to feel like I’m on the road to achievement. Achievement of what? Fuck knows. Honestly, what is even possible anymore? Before I depress anyone anymore, I’m going to put a pin in this self-pity parade and just get to the point; it’s the little things that are pushing me along at the moment. Little things that I find very funny. Some of them I’ve been absolutely desperate to share, stuff I’d say to an unwilling group of people, forced to spend time with me out of economic need. Spraffing whatever nonsense I feel like is a very important trait. The two cats I live with are good coworkers but they never give me a reaction to work with.

Luckily, I can document these feelings into the empty pit that is the internet, so here they are….

I have postcards of both Vivien Leigh and Dame Joan Plowright on my bulletin board

I took the extra effort to not put them right next to each other, but near enough to make me giggle whenever I see them edging closer to each other. If you do not understand why this would tickle me, please educate yourself. It’s 2021, there is no excuse.

The Reddit users that disrupted that hedge fund

Please give me more stories like this. Also, this tweet helped me FINALLY UNDERSTAND IT, and yes, I’ve seen the Big Short and no, I still do not understand the 2008 crash (is it the exact same?)

Bernie memes

Over a week later, I still wish all my social media timelines were just Bernie memes. Your important journalism is not interesting to me; JUST GIVE ME BERNIE WEARING MITTENS!

How much I hate Radio 4 dramas

I’ll know I’m old when I like them… for now, I’ll just curse their existence.

That influencers in Dubai think they are key workers

If that woman is a key worker who “motivates” so am I because I motivate myself to apply for three jobs a day. We are all heroes.

Listening to my family and friends complain about co-workers

I love gossip so much that I will listen intently to anyone talking about anyone. Please just ring me up and let me know about that egregious thing that twat did; I AM ALL EARS. Please. I’m not joking.

That Woman’s Hour deleted this tweet

Outrage was rightly sparked by this segment. Why on earth would you get Matt Haig to discuss teenage girls’ experience of online media… Seriously, anyone can call me up anytime.

Anyway, things will get better, but gosh, it’s so lame.